The past month has been a struggle. Trying to balance “normal” life, with the realisation that mum won’t be here for Christmas has found me tired and irritable at times. I hope and pray that you haven’t found me at my most irritable. I have been determined since mum died to try and be strong, to avoid being down for long. I’ve tried to recognise what is happening and ask Holy Spirit to do His job as comforter.
Every time I ask, He does just that.
I’m not trying to deny the grief that is there. I miss mum. I didn’t spend as much time as I wish I had with her. I didn’t talk to her as much as I should. I gave her more reasons to worry about me than was helpful. I think in the last few years I managed to make amends for the mistakes I made as a son.
The bible tells us that those who mourn will be comforted. I need that comfort as much as any one in my family at the moment. Those who have lost loved ones in the past have assured me that there is no end to that comfort. That as the days, weeks, months and years pass, although it becomes easier to function, there is no limit to the comfort that is available to us.
All we need to do is ask.
I’ve been asking a lot in the last week or so.
I believe we have a choice. We can live in the “I am sad and nothing you can say will help” camp, or we can live in the “I am sad, and the only one who can truly help is Holy Spirit, I am going to trust Him and allow Him to help me.”
So when you ask me how I am and I say “good”, I genuinely mean it. I am doing OK. The fact is that the only reason for that is that I am leaning heavily on Holy Spirit.
There is a line in a song I heard this morning (funny how many of my blogs are inspired by songs).
This one was from “Brave” by LZ7. The line was “Only the brave go where you go, into the fire, but never alone.”
God is taking me on a journey. That journey is one of increasing reliance on Him. It’s one of pressing in to the things that He has already shown me, of His goodness, of His desire to heal, of His love for me. Despite the “fire” of the circumstances I find myself in at the moment, the reason I manage to keep pushing into breakthrough is that I know I am not alone.
Just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego, God is with me in the fire. I trust that although a times the flames increase the temperature a little, I will emerge unscathed and stronger knowing I have met with God in the fire.
I pray that whatever your circumstances this Christmas, that you too will lean on the Peace Provider, the Comfort Giver. That you will allow the One who truly understands to be with you in your “fire”.